I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
