I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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