considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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