Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
