So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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