i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
