My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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