I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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