Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
