He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
