like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
