Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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