So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
