his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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