So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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