Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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