Duck Duck Cougar?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
