Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
