i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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