Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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