if you like me you must not know who I am
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
