I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
