Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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