youre lurking in front of me
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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