My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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