I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
