Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
