Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
