plz talk dirty to me
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
