Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
