I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
