She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
