they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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