Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
