Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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