Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
