you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
