I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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