there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
