so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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