Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
