the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
