If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Randomize
