Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
