I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
