Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
