So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
