listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
