saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
