I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
