is your mom at the bar?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
