How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
