Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
